I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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