a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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