i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
