How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
