When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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