i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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