Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
