my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
