he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
