I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
