"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Enjoy the penises
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
