I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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