Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
