My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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