I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
