I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
