@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
