Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
