ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
