she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
