The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
