How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
