Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
