So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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