Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
