U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Having a random hookup so left but love u
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
