guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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