Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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