I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You don't make any sense
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