people are starting to question the shark bite story
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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