So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
