Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
