i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
