worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You are the jesus of drinking
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
