She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
