his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
