oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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