Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
