Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Randomize
