and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
