I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
