I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
