So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
