we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
