the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
