I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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