can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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