she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
