Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
