I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
