My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
