I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
