This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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