There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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