You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
